“Just four days to go before you leave. Are you excited?”
“Meh, I guess so”.

It’s really weird, I guess I’ve left too many places to get overly attached to them but Saturday will neither see me jumping around or trying to delay departure. I’ll just go. It’s quite strange and makes it sound like I don’t care, which isn’t true.

I will miss being able to wake up five minutes before work, the relaxed attitude this place has, and the way I live in the middle of the Lake District and can then (in theory) go out whenever I like. I won’t miss the rain, midges or the one day off a week and seasonal work routine. I guess it’s not so much that I don’t like this job any more, it’s more that I’ve done it enough and it’s time to go and do something different. Like eating a really nice cake but stopping before being sick all over the floor and never wanting to eat cake again.

And the future? The prospect of being a teacher sounds like a load of hard work trying to keep children interested in something they have to learn, rather than keeping them entertained with something they don’t really have to do. Who knows, maybe doing this job will have given me some unique skills that will help. I’ve met lots of people who’ve gone from being a teacher to an instructor, but not the other way. All I have to remember is I’ve stood in the freezing rain for three hours doing archery with kids so an hour in a classroom shouldn’t be too difficult.

I’m looking forward to moving into my new house though, getting it all sorted and having somewhere of my own. A place where I won’t be woken up by people playing pool at 6am, or have to listen to a late night party (or be in the bar running the party… god, I might miss the social part of working here but I won’t miss doing sodding bar duty. Fuck no, never again).

It seems kind of materialistic fantasising over fishtanks and whether I should buy an Xbox 360 or wait for Neon to be released for the PC when I’ve spent the past four years making do with what I currently have. Fuck it though, I’ve spent four years living in small rooms with not a lot of money so I think I’m allowed to spend some of the money I do have on things I want. Nobody needs broadband wireless internet, five games consoles or other pointless luxuries, then again nobody needs hot water and a fresh change of clothes every day.

It’s all to do with perspective I suppose. Working in the shop reset my boredom limits and whenever I have to paint another fence or some other tedious job I just remember standing in a shop for four hours with absolutely nothing to do and nobody to talk to. Hopefully when I have a class of screaming kids who won’t behave I’ll remember standing in the pouring rain telling kids not to throw rocks at each other. And whenever I see some random bit of technology I really want I’ll force myself to come up with some good reasons why I need it.

I still find it strange though. I’ve stepped into the unknown so many times it doesn’t even register, which is great compared to before I started doing this when the idea of having to speak in public filled me with quiet dread. I found the “outdoor instructor” switch in my head, it’s time to find the “teacher” switch now and turn that on. Do something that scares you. I might collect all the diary entries from when I first began instructing and write some sort of summary thing. I already have parts of one on my website, I’m just waiting to finish here before completing it.

Is this what people mean when they say you need to pull your finger out?